Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize