I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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