Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
