After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
