Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
