we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
