It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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