I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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