I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
