You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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