I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
