hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
