Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize