I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
