I wanna passion pit in your ass
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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