I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize