'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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