worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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