Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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