thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
