hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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