so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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