FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
