Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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