okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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