those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
