dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
