I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize