dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
