I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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