We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
