Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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