I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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