you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
