He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
