She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
