idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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