also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
