She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize