Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
