you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
