oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
