shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
