That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
