I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
