My pussy is not your playground.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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