party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
