it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
