i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
