Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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