There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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