Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize