We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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