I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
