I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
