Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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