Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
