you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
