so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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