he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
