i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
