Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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