Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
