I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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