i permit you to call me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
