Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
