dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
