i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
