he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
