I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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