he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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