This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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