so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
