i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
