Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is not my ceiling
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
