She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
