I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
